My son Jackson is generally a pretty pleasant boy EXCEPT for when he wakes up in the morning or from naps. It takes him a while to readjust to the "non" sleeping world. But today he seemed a little more sensitive than usual. He, along with his twin sister Lexi, woke up wanting me to hold and rock them while "readjusting". It was really quiet and they both just stared off into deep thought and so I thought it was maybe a good time to just sing some songs to them to try and help them transition and feel a little light hearted....boy was I forever WRONG!!! Immediately Jackson waived his arms and pointed at me and said NO NO NO. Okay that was weird what kid does not like to be sung too...Lexi on the other hand was totally fine with it. Anyway Jackson proceeded to cuddle up to me and just lay there still in thought. So I thought I will try again and just see how Jackson reacted and of course it was the same result....I started to chuckle and then began to hum to see what that would do.....same thing. I decided to stop torturing the kid who clearly did not want his mother to sing and so the three of us just continued to rock and cuddle and ponder.
As I was thinking about Jackson's reaction at my "attempt" to sing my thoughts turned to Alex and the things friends, family, and strangers tried to say to me in regards to Alex's passing. Of course in that circumstance who really knows what to say or do. I remember many people expressing their sorrow, telling me to be strong. Those who were of my same faith would often say things such as "isn't it nice to know we have the gospel and that you will see Alex again some day and so on and so forth. I will have to admit in those moments, inwardly, I acted just as Jackson had done to me...."NO NO NO please don't say that. I don't want to hear it right now. All I want it to hold my little boy! All I want is silence and a hug." In the words of Allison Krauss "you say it best when you say nothing at all."
Now I really am not trying to put anyone down who has tried to offer comfort to those who were in need. But if you know someone who has just lost a loved one or even who is just plain struggling, coming from my own personal experience sometimes nothing has to be said to know you care. The most comfort I felt was from warm hugs and the love I saw in peoples eyes as they walked up to me weeping for my loss as if it were their own. It was in those moments I felt the Savior with me, weeping for my pain and for my loss and yet at the same time comforting me and reminding me that all was well and that Alex will forever be with me.
I encourage each of you to "put away your singing voices" and open up your arms and let someone rest upon your shoulders when they are in need and I promise it will mean the world to whomever seeks refuge from their pain.
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4 comments:
I'm really grateful that you wrote this. I never know how to show my empathy/sympathy for grieving parents. This is just what I needed to read.
I miss you.
Yes, the knowledge the gospel gives is WONDERFUL... but meanwhile we have another 70 years to go before we hold our loved ones again. It definitely isn't an easy thing. Thanks for the great advice.
Thanks for sharing and what great advice. I will always try to remember this and I'm always at a loss for words. Thank you!
Thanks for writing this post. I wrote a long comment on a previous post but I can't find it so maybe I didn't really write one. I think of you often. I didn't know all of this that you had gone through. I last talked with you when Alex had just been born. I would LOVE to talk with you and discuss twins and life and everything. My phone number is 801-698-5756.
Krista Gage (Stapp) from college.
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