Lets see those scars!!

On my personal family blog I wrote a little post on the "anniversary" of Alex's passing but for some reason I have waited until now to acknowledge that day....February 12, 2006. It is so hard to believe that four years have passed since I last saw my little boy, touched him, heard his last breath. Death is something I always "thought" about because most of us tend to think about our mortality. But I never really understood the power of it. I never dreamt that I would, in a sense, be part of one of the most heart renching stories. A wise friend once told me that most people like the phrase "time heals all wounds" but he likes to think of it as "there is no wound that heaven can't heal." I have absolutley found that to be true. The devestation I felt the day I walked out of the hospital with empty arms, is the day I thought my life would be over. I could not imagine my life without my little Alex. Sometimes it still is hard to accept. But the overwhelming power of our Heavenly Father can sincerely help put an aid over our broken hearts if you will only let him. Like all injuries, wounds, scars, heart breaks, it does take time to mend. I am still mending, but the fact that I can continue my life, laugh, cry, rejoice, etc is a testimony to me of the power of our Father in Heaven. The one good thing about wounds are that they do leave behind scars, to remind us of what our bodies had endured. I know most of you might be thinking why is that a good thing. Well if we just felt pain and never had a scar to show for the pain then how would we ever truly learn from that experience or even remember what happened. When I was 4 years old I fell and cracked my forehead open and had 50 stitches placed to close the wound. The scar is visible for all to see and I have never really thought twice about it. Maybe because I don't know anything different or maybe because its part of me. Its part of my story. And the same goes for the scars I bear from lossing Alex. Though they might not be visible to the naked eye they are visible to those who know me or to those who read this blog. They are part of me, they have molded me to who I am and who I will become. But I am not the only one who bears those scars. I know that Heavenly Father also bears those scars. Just like any parent watching your child go through something so painful leaves a mark as well. I might think you were able normal if that was not the case.

As the years go by faster and faster the pain lessens and you find yourselve engolfed in a new life, and thats what is supposed to happen. But there are those moments that you might have looked at picture or sang a song that reminded you of something and all of sudden your scar becomes visible and you remember....and that is good. And when in that moment and the tears are flowing and our heart literally hurts that is our Heavenly Father telling you he has not forgotten!

No matter the situation you are overcoming remember you can be comforted and healed if you not only let those who love you help but if you let our Father in Heaven in to your life. It will make all the difference.

Everyday I think of Alex and some days I cry and somedays I smile. That is what keeps me going. I used to be scared of pain and now I like the think I embrace it because it keeps me grounded and focused on whats important.