Gone to soon or was he?

One day a few months ago, while fixing dinner, I was listening to the news and one of the headlines was, of course, about Micheal Jacksons death and the newscaster had reported how Jacksons life had been taken "too" soon, and what a tragedy it was. I just stopped what I was doing and thought what has this world come to....a man like Micheal Jackson gets idolized for being a person who clearly did not know how to face his demons, a man who suffered much and who let the suffering succumb him, who let it rule him. A man who was, in my eyes, deranged. Yes he made great music, and yes I do listen to it, but I also listen to a lot of music. But my question is this; why are we putting a man accused of molesting children, a drug addict, a plastic surgery junky on a pedestal? Why is it that he is "gone too soon?"

Now to my point. Alex lived for 14 months, the toughest 14 months I have ever witnessed or heard of a child having to go through. He endured two of the most horrific surgeries, multiple hospital stays, poked and prodded hundreds of times, 10 different medications a day given 3 times a day, feeding tubes, and my list could go on. And yet despite all that, my little boy smiled everytime we took a picture of him. I do not have one picture where he is not smiling (I can't even get my healthy twins to look at camera). He had a way of making every person in the room feel special. He made a point to make sure he smiled or hugged anyone who came his way. This was a boy who faced so much in a short time and a boy who triumphed over all his afflictions. No he did not make any great contributions to society or to the world, but he made the biggest contribution to me and that was; he fought for me, he loved me, he waited for me and he taught me how to move on and to triumph over my demons, my weaknesses. Who knows what else this little boy could have accomplished or taught me if only I had more time with him. Alex was able to do something that most of us only dream of doing, and that was "live for the moment." I firmly believe Alex became aware quickly that his life was different, that his experience was different. Never did Alex leave my side. He was not interested in toys or playing by himself, but merely to be in my arms....touching my face, listening to me sing, sleeping next to me every night. He tried to be brave with every needle, he wanted to be remembered with a smile on his face, and he wanted to hug me ever so tightly before he had to say good-bye......

I remember that moment so clear, we were getting ready to make a trip to the Primary Childrens Hospital (our last one), Alex had been acting strange and it was concerning to me so they told us to bring him in. It was like he was losing his mind or something, and come to find out he was getting too much ammonia to his brain because his liver was beginning to shut down which caused delirium. But in a quick and quiet moment, I had picked Alex up to put him in the car and for a split second he had calmed down and hugged me in a way I had never felt before and the thought came to me that I felt as if he was saying good-bye; hugging me for the last time. And as quickly as that moment began it ended and I rushed that thought out of my mind thinking I was being morbid. But come to find out 7 days later, that would be the very last time we embraced. Shortly after we arrived at the hospital Alex slipped into a coma.

Okay coming back to my point.......
I pose the question now "gone too soon?" My answer to both would be NO! Michael Jackson faced so much affliction when he was a child, and it obviously carried on into his adulthood and when someone faces so much trauma and never deals with their pain and hurt properly, eventually it catches up to you and that is what I feel happened to him. Michael Jackson was an example of what life is like when darkness overshadows you and pain and suffering is all you will allow yourself to feel. He did not have the light of Christ in his life to carry him through, to direct him, to help take that pain and suffering from him. He did not have that knowledge to understand that even with horrible, terrible things that come with this life, also do so many wonderful, joyful, and beautiful things that can come; that are worth living for. Things that make you want to be better, to live better and to lift yourself up with strength and endurance; with peace and love. Sadly that way was not clear for Michael Jackson, just as that way is not clear for many people. He took his life and used it to gratify himself and too numb out everything else. How long can one live like that? I guess we know the answer!!

Alex on the other hand showed me HOW a person can live while facing affliction. And that was simply through the light and power of Christ. It gave him the strength to fight, to try and enjoy what he had been given, to love his family, to find happiness even in pain and to then finally succumb to Gods will with peace and grace.

To that newscaster and anyone else out there "gone too soon" is not for us to decide. Yes we want our loved ones to stay with us and when the order of life changes then we think "that is not the way" but truly what is the way...who established the order of life and death, trials and tribulations? Who came up with the notion that parents die before their children, 65 is the age of retirement, your dream house comes after all the kids are grown and out of the house? Your family is perfect; you have a boy and a girl thats all you need!! Good things happen, bad things happen during ALL faucets of life. Don't try and put yourself on a timeline or rush to catch up because your life is taking a different path. Make your life a time of morality, goodness, peace, love, joy, strength and endurance. There is no schedule, no time frame of how or when things should happen. In my mind, in Alex's mind and Gods mind it was time. There was nothing else left for him to endure or to teach those around him. He loved perfectly, he lived perfectly and he died perfectly! I hope the same can be said for me, when all is said and done.